Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Psychologists love to tell us that our parenting style is shaped by a mishmash of factors like how we were raised, our personality quirks, our personal beliefs, and of course, our questionable knowledge of parenting and child development (thanks, Google) (Kerr et al., 2009; Lang, 2020). I mean, who knew we needed a PhD just to change a diaper?
Anyway, I have to admit, I’ve totally cherry-picked the good stuff from my own parents’ parenting playbook. Smacking? No way, José! But encouraging honesty, even when my kid gets into trouble? Absolutely! And gender roles? Out the window! But self-expression? In like Flynn!
One of the other things that influenced my parenting style is my experience as a foster parent. Trust me, that’s a whole different story for another time. But it did teach me the importance of attachment. You know, that strong bond between parent and child? Apparently, researchers say it’s pretty important (Granju & Kennedy, 1999; What Is Attachment Parenting?, 2020).
So, I decided to go all-in with the attachment method from day one—baby-wearing, extended breastfeeding…okay not that part obviously, and co-sleeping like a champ. I even held my little one during naps, and I recruited the grandparents to do the same when they looked after our little one. Why? Well, besides the fact that it’s scientifically proven to be beneficial, I also wanted to soak up every precious moment with my kiddo before they fly the coop. One day, they’ll leave and all I’ll have left are memories of cuddles and snuggles (cue the tears).
Oh, and let’s not forget about my friends. I totally observe how they parent their own little critters. Gentle parenting, gentle discipline—you name it, I’ve probably discussed with them it over a coffee. But also just watching them interact with their kids and reflecting on what I would do in their shoes has been pretty helpful. And let’s be honest, there’s no better way to learn than through other people’s trial and error, am I right?
But here’s the real kicker—the biggest influence on my parenting style happened way before I even had kids. It was my time living in Japan, folks! In the land of the rising sun, co-sleeping with kids is the norm. Seriously, I felt like I was in the land of cuddles and family snuggle parties. Sure, the dad might sleep in a separate room because he’s always working late (poor guy). But it just made sense to me, you know? Plus, when I started thinking about how other mammals raise their young, it felt like a no-brainer.
At the end of the day, this is MY child, and this is OUR unique parenting journey. We’re doing what works for us and our little munchkin. Every parent has their own style and beliefs, and every kid is as unique as a unicorn. So, do what works for you, embrace the chaos, and remember to laugh along the way. Now, it’s your turn—comment below and share what parenting style floats your boat!
References
Granju, K. A., & Kennedy, B. (1999). Attachment parenting: Instinctive care for your baby and young child. Pocket Books.
Kerr, D. C. R., Capaldi, D. M., Pears, K. C., & Owen, L. D. (2009). A prospective three generational study of fathers’ constructive parenting: Influences from family of origin, adolescent adjustment, and offspring temperament. Developmental Psychology, 45(5), 1257–1275. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0015863
Lang, D. (2020). Parenting and family diversity issues. Iowa State University Digital Press. https://doi.org/10.31274/isudp.8
What is attachment parenting? Theory, examples, pros and cons. (2020, February 19). Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/attachment-parenting